CHRIST REIGNS!!!
We extend our prayers to the parishioners of:
+ST. JOSEPH CHURCH in SIOUX CITY during this time of loss of their worship space. May God continue to bless your community and your faith. May God's peace be with you.
+ST. JOHN THE BAPTIST CHURCH in QUIMBY who closed their parish July 11. We open our hearts and arms in support and welcome!
+ST. FRANCIS OF ASSISI CHURCH in MAPLE RIVER who closed their parish October 4.
+ST. JOSEPH CHURCH in SIOUX CITY during this time of loss of their worship space. May God continue to bless your community and your faith. May God's peace be with you.
+ST. JOHN THE BAPTIST CHURCH in QUIMBY who closed their parish July 11. We open our hearts and arms in support and welcome!
+ST. FRANCIS OF ASSISI CHURCH in MAPLE RIVER who closed their parish October 4.
Immaculate Conception Catholic Church at 419 Jones Street, Moville, IA 51039-0802 US - HUMOR
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HUMOR |
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A bus on a busy street struck a Catholic man. He was lying near death on the sidewalk as a crowd gathered.
"A priest. Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasped.
Long seconds dragged on but no one stepped out of the crowd. A policeman checked the crowd and finally yelled, "A PRIEST, PLEASE! Isn't there a priest in this crowd to give this man his last rites?"
Finally, out of the crowd stepped a little old Jewish man in his 80s.
"Mr. Policeman," said the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Christian. But for 50 years now, I'm living behind the Catholic Church on Second Avenue, and every night I'm overhearing their services. I can recall a lot of it, and maybe I can be of some comfort to this poor man."
The policeman agreed, and cleared the crowd so the man could get through to where the injured man lay.
The old Jewish man knelt down, leaned over the man and said in a solemn voice: B-4 ... I-19 ... N-38 ... G-54 ... O-72
Checkmate-A parish was celebrating the 100th anniversary of their church and several former pastors and the bishop were in attendance. At one point, the pastor had the children gather at the altar for a talk about the importance of the day. He began by asking, “Does anyone know what the bishop does?” There was silence. Finally, one little boy answered gravely, “He’s the one you can move diagonally!”
—CYBERSALT DIGEST
The Lord is my shepherd
A sign on a notice board outside a small country church the Yorkshire Dales, England: “Please close the door to stop straying sheep from coming in – the woolly kind, of course.”
Tragically, three friends die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the gates of heaven. Before entering, they are each asked a question by St. Peter. "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?", asks St. Peter.
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say...... LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!!!"
First Farmer: How do you tell the weeds from the valuable plants?
Second Farmer: If it pulls out easily, it's a valuable plant.
Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
A. Ruthless.
Q. What do they call pastors in Germany ?
A. German Shepherds.
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah, he was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh’s daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David’s Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.
PECANS IN THE CEMETERY
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence.
One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me", said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."
He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls." The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk."
When the boy insisted, though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..."
The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord."
Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done."